Was Judas a Mormon as claimed by Unitarians, Quakers and Buddhists?DNA evidence has definitively proven that Judas was Mormon. DNA secretly taken from Mitt Romney's thong found shared DNA which links Romney to Judas Iscariot. Strong denials came from the Moron community, but came after mobs had stormed the Mormon cathedral north of Washington D.C. and other Mormon churches. Groups of rabidly anti-Mormon Unitarians, Buddhists and Quakers, called for attacks on Mormon synagogues throughout the world for "sins" against, and "blood libel against Christianity and against Christ Himself." A Unitarian video depicting a Judas actor stabbing Christ on the cross caused vicious violence against Mormums throughout the world. The evening after the video was disSemenated throughout the world, Unitarians, pacifists and Neo-Nazis stormed Mormon businesses, breaking windows and painting swastikas and "Christ Killers and Christ insulters" on their doors, leading the attack to be called "The Second Kristalnacht," which is German for window dressing or night of broken glass. Mormons were further accused of manipulating international financial markets for their profit. In addition, it is claimed that Governor Mitt has hidden Mormun money in Switzerland and the Goon Cayman islands. Some Moron citizens residing in Utah reported that brigades of armed American pacifists crossed the borders of Utah and were last seen entering Mutt County and the Mittville, the Utah capital itself. An unconfirmed and disturbing rumor claims that the incensed, rabid, salivating Unitarians and some Quakers and virulent Buddhists had containers of Zyklone-B, the gas used to kill 90 % of European Jews. A leading Moron minister said "we are hopeful that no more than 80% of our people will be exterminpated." (sic) Mormons who escaped Utah, claim that death marches are in progress in the Utah mountains, but this has not been confirmed by credible non-Mormon sources. A highly disturbing rumor claims that caves in the Utah mountains contain gas chambers the size of Auschwitz, the extermination the infamous camp in Poland during World War II. Journalist Pat Buchanon claimed that these reports are without evidence and are promulgated by "hysterical Morons....the atrocities only involve Jews." The gas was later determined to be Chanel #5 imported from Marie LePenn and his right wing Frenchite skin heads or, as they are called in France: "Peau Tetes." Pat Buchanon, outraged, said that the perfume should be made in America and that he has never used perfume or cologne. Mormons in Colorado and Idaho have pleaded to the United States government to intervene, but Ron Paul has lead a group of Republicans to refrain from intervening, claiming the the reports are outrageous and without evidence. Representative Paul has further argued that the United States should not intervene in foreign conflicts. When told that Utah is actually IN the United States, Representative Paul responded by saying "whatever...and anyway Mormons are not true Christians but that Moronism is a dangerous cult which says that Governor Mitt claims to be the son of God." Mitt denied this, saying that he was not the Son of God, but his "step-son, once removed." Paul further claimed that Mormons are not Americans because they believe that abortion should be legal. Furthermore, Republicans have opposed intervention, arguing that the money best be spent on strengthening the Guantanamo Bay base in Togo, Toga or Cuba...whatever. We will be updating you on the situation as rumors come in. Your dutiful correspondent, David Dook, Lipschitz copywrite David Dook Lipschitz 2012 copyright S.A. Harvith 9/2012 Post Your Comment |
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